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moving house blows. but moving house with kids really blows.

There ain't no adult out there that hasn't had to move house and, of this 100% of adults, I have carefully calculated that around 0% have enjoyed it. (Actually, I should probably retract my opening statement about all adults having to move because there are probs some farmers or rich people or rich farming people who have never had to move).

Anyway, moving house suuuuuuuuucks. And moving house when you aren't just an adult but a legendary parents to young equally legendary little whippersnappers is one of the most sleep-depriving and agonising things you will ever have to do in your life; up there with walking on hot coals, wrestling a crocodile and sneezing with your eyes open. Why? Because it’s no longer just a matter of worrying about whether or not you’ve got a big enough van, or whether you should hold another car-boot sale. No sir-eee. There is now the added stress of moving your kids to (possibly!) an entirely new place, which is what one may call a pretty scary venture for all parties. So, in some ambitious attempt to help you make this venture slightly less scary, I have done some leg work and come up with a few genius ideas of how you can do the whole moving thingy in a way less stressful way (for both you and your legendary little whippersnappers).

Time is man's bestest friend (except gorgeous george, he's my actual best friend).

What me is trying to say is, ahem, the earlier you start packing the less bloody stressful this whole expedition will be. Better yet, it won’t just be stress levels that are reduced either. Here is why. First off, your kids will be eased into the process (shitstorm) of moving home, which will help them feel as though this whole change thing isn’t the big scary idea they thought it was (even though it probably is). Result: a drop in anxiety levels. Win. Another bonus is that your partner will think you are the best bloke ever by being organised for the first time ever. "You're really taking charge of this move, darling, I'm proud of you." #browniepointsforthelegend

Anything you can leave to the pros leave to the pros.

This rule should be followed right across the board. That's an absolute rule. If you can get a man with a van instead of just a van, then get a man with a van. Better yet, get some men with some ven, by which I mean employ an epic removals company to literally do all the shit jobs and hard work for you. But don't put your foot on that break just yet. Oh no. If you’re leaving a rented property, why not call in the cleaners. They’ll get the job done without emptying your piggy bank. If you’re buying a new property, why not leave your pride on side for a moment and make your life easier, this time in the form of hiring a professional painter and decorator to take on some of the work once you’re in. No one wants to paint when they've just had to pay a removals company to do everything. It's tiring and you deserve a break.

For god's sake, don’t change your kid's routines.

For god's sake, don't change the routine. They may not like it, and maybe you can let them off a couple of days once you're into the new swish pad, but kids need some sort of stability in this major unstable time. Sure, this will mean you get to enjoy your evening's (which will mean a spot of the strong stuff and a takeaway to be enjoyed in peace), but it is also for there benefit too. "How?" I hear you mutter in delight, well that daily routine you try so hard to stick to will make the the scary moving process seem a little less scary. So eat your breakfast at the same time, put the kid(s) to bed at the same time, if you have swimming on a Wednesday then go swimming on Wednesday and if you're lucky enough to have a Hartbeeps near you on a Thursday morning at the Middle Street Resource Centre in Beeston, Nottingham, then go; sing and dance and shake those dino tails (shameless plug). In short: routine is a great friend (but not your best friend).

A special box.

This is such a good tip. Go me. It's simple too. Just let your little legend of a whippersnapper pack a box full of their favourite special things that they can take with them in the car. This little gem of a trick will mean they have their favourite things with them, which means they won't be whinging and whining as you explain that Penelope the Teddy and Jimbob the Red Fox are somewhere in the back of the moving van up ahead; "yeah, in the cold, dark, moving van with all those night time nasties." What's more, if the van get's lost or delayed or anything, it won't matter because your little legend will have their favourite things with them the moment you get into your new place. What's more comforting than that, especially when they need a little comfort. A little thing that will prove to be a big old help as they readjust to their new surroundings; namely the cold because you haven't figured out how to use the heating system yet

Like Pharrell said, be happy (or was that Bob Marley, I dunno anymore).

You may have noticed, being a parent and all, but kids have this incredible ability to pick up on their parents’ moods very quickly. It's like a sixth sense or something. So, yeah, don't panick, because if you panic they'll panic and if they panic then you'll panic even more. If you’re panicking about time, they’re panicking. So just make sure that you stay upbeat, for the kids sake man. I promise it will make your experience of the dreaded move way more enjoyable, maybe even fun. And even if it doesn't make it fun, your desperate want to be in a great mood will probs become a self-fulfilling prophecy. So, keep smiling, keep laughing, and keep making games out of the little things. We do, and it works a proper treat.

Ciao for now.

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