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The Inconvenient Truths About Being A Parent

Don’t get us wrong - being a parent is awesome - and there are times when you will regret not letting the pitter patter of their tiny feet into your home sooner. But there are those things that you won’t find in your parenting textbooks. Not even that annoying nanny on tv has all the answers. There are some things that no-one tells you about being a parent, and some of them are downright inconvenient. That’s why we have decided to share some of those things with you. For both your education and your amusement, here are some of the inconvenient truths you need to know!

1. You will say goodbye to a good night’s sleep

You will never sleep in the same way again… at least not until your kids have turned 18 and flown the nest! Babies will scream the house down in the middle of the night, toddlers will climb into your bed just when you are about to have ‘mommy and daddy time,’ and even when they reach their teenage years, you will be checking the clock and ringing the police/their friends/their friend’s parents, when they don’t appear at the designated time. Welcome to parenthood, where you will be begging your kids to go to sleep every night, and taking every opportunity you can - the daily commute//your desk at work/on the loo - to get a little shut-eye!

2. Your TV is no longer your own

Say goodbye to your time in front of the tv. Your Netflix recommendations will be made up of the latest kids shows, your blu-ray collection will quickly be replaced by the ‘Masha and the Bear’ boxset, and the only news you will be keeping up with are the latest events surrounding Peppa Pig and friends, and not anything related to your local town. Even when you do get time to watch a little tv on your own, your mind will be that scrambled by Angelina the flaming Ballerina and the warped world of the Bubble Guppies that you will never be able to concentrate on your favourite tv shows again!

3. You will never have enough money for yourself

Remember when you had money to spare on stuff you actually wanted for yourself? From the latest gadgets to the top fashion, you could do what you wanted with your cash, within reason. When your little one arrives, the only gadgets you will end up buying will be baby monitors and Fisher-Price smart phones, and your fashion sense will take a back seat to your baby’s sleepwear/daywear/playwear/showing off to other parents wear. Never been in debt before? If you don’t adapt your budget to the needs of your little one, you will soon be looking at loans for those with poor credit to live up to your child’s ever-increasing demands, especially as they grow older. Of course, you could also teach them a few budgeting skills - the bank of mom and dad will only stretch so far, after all!

4. Your car will become a trash can

If your car is your pride and joy, and your OCD goes into overdrive whenever anybody dares to put their muddy feet near your car seats, beware! You will never look at your car the same way again when you have a child. We say this in the literal sense, because your car will NOT LOOK the same way, and your attitude will have to change. Your pristine seat covers will undergo a colour change with all the juice/vomit/poop that gets thrown at them, and you will be finding crushed up biscuits and raisins (well, we think they are raisins) underneath and around your car’s interior for the next few years. And that’s not including the sticky sweets, wax crayon drawings, and the many nasty odours that will bring down the value of your car by a drastic amount. Until your kids have some respect for any and all of your possessions, you are going to have to stem your sense of pride and grin and bear the indignity they impose on your stuff.

5. You will become a ninja

Not in the literal sense (unless you have trained for years in the masterful art of ninjahood), but your senses will forever be alerted. When your child is teetering on the top of the stairs, you will move with a graceful (or lumbering) speed that you never knew you had. When you see them emerge from the kitchen with the carving knife you forgot to put away, you will somersault over their little heads and disarm them before any harm is done. When they are finally allowed to play out on their own, you will be stealthily moving through hedge rows and shop doorways in an an effort to keep an eye on their every whereabout. You will become the ultimate (amateur) ninja and you will do everything it takes to keep your child away from harm.

And so…

Okay, so parenting is tough, exhausting, and expensive. It’s a daily battle to win their affection while trying to teach them a little bit of discipline. You will have envy for your non-parenting friends occasionally, and miss having the time and money to spend on yourself. But then your little one will look up at you with a smile, and your heart will instantly melt. Parenting is totally worth it, even when you realise that ‘smile’ was the result of yet another filled nappy, and not their way of showing you their gratitude! Bless ‘em!

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